? ? Ok, maybe not literally, but I feel that way.

? ? For some odd reason I was doing GREAT the first few weeks on Weight Watchers. I was losing pounds? and inches then it suddenly STOPPED! I’m doing everything I’m suppose to on the plan… writing things down… counting points… drinking water… exercising… but… I’m not losing! Talk about FRUSTRATING!

? ? I? GAINED .08 ounces one week, then lost .04 ounces the next week and I was the same weight (to the ounce) last week as well. I wish I knew what was going on.

? ? I know I didn’t gain all this weight overnight and it would be? foolish of me to think that I could lose it overnight too. I have? come to accept those FACTS of life.? However it would certainly be encouraging and a boost to my? moral to see the numbers working in my favor. I don’t expet to lose 2 pounds a week (that would be ideal!), but even a pound a week would be better then mere ounces.

? ? I don’t know what to do. I? would hate myself if I gave up, but in the mean time I’m beyond frustrated.

? ? Too bad there wasn’t a “magic pill” out. Something that you can take and BOOM… the next morning you would be 100 pounds lighter. Oh! Imagine that.

? ? I do admit I don’t exercise as much as I used to. I even bought more equipment that is gathering dust in the corner of the living room. I do use my excercise bike, but that is about it. I haven’t touched my wobble board, pilates machine, the? ExerFlex gadget or my lateral thigh stepper in a couple fo weeks. How bad is that!

? ? I’m hoping when the weather gets better I can start walking again. Maybe that is what I need to give my weight loss a boost. Walking is one of the best exercises out there. Plus the fresh air would certainly do me good as well.

? ? I did try walking a couple of weeks ago by the golf course (which is closed) but for? some reason I freaked out. There was no one around since the course was closed for the witer and it’s near the woods and bears have been seen on the course before. I know they hibernate in the winter but all of a sudden I got super nervous about? the whole situation and turned back in a hurry. Needless to say I won’t be walking by the golf course anytime soon. Not until the golfers return.

? ? Well I have to grab my? third 17 ounce bottle? of water so far today and head on out to get my kids from the bus.

? ? HOPEFULLY tomorrow will be a better day.

? ? I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been busy with working part time and with lots of orders (which I am very grateful for!).

? ? Well I FINALLY got under 250 pounds. I cannot even put into words how HAPPY and THRILLED I am to FINALLY be under 250 pounds! I haven’t been under 250 in about 10 years. So everyone who knows me now, neighbors, friends, co-workers, people at school, have NEVER seen me under 250 pounds. So this is a miracle in my book!

? ? As for the numbers… ha! How frustrating can that be! I know you really shouldn’t weight yourself more then once a day, but I find myself hoping on the scale a couple of times a day. NOT DAILY… juts every few days I feel the need to weigh myself more then once.? And it’s amazing how the numbers flucuate! One morning I can be 247.8 and the next day I’m 249.2 and then the following day I’m 247.9. What gives? Why does that happen? I know they are only numbers, but, they are very important numbers.

? ? Why do? we place such? a huge emphasis on NUMBERS? And it’s all just like a great big game. Sort of like playing a slot machine in Vegas. When you turn the handle you don’t know what is going to come up. Either you’ll win or lose, or in this case, gain or lose. The scale is like a slot machine. When you step on it you never know what you are going to get.

? ? Even though the numbers on? the scale keep bouncing around I do notice a difference in the tape measure. I’m about 2 1/2″ smaller in my hips, 2″ in my waist and 1″ each in my upper arm and upper thigh. WOW! That is A LOT when you think about it. Especially after only 6 weeks and 20 pounds. And that is from not even exercising much. Imagine if I REALLY applied myself to excercise? Imagine the difference in the measurements then.

? ? I realize now too that I saw myself A LOT bigger then I truly was. I have size 26 and 28 jeans and size 3X and 4X tops. Right now after only 20 pounds I can? fit into 24 and even size 22 jeans, although my top size is still a 3X. That is impossible I think to go from a size 28 jean to a size 22 jean in a month after only 20 pounds. Which leads me to believe that I was NEVER really a size 28 to begin with. I rarely wore jeans anyway, but the ones I do have are a size 28 or a 26, which now slide off my body.

? ? How come we SEE ourselves as bigger then we really are? I have heard of people losing A LOT of weight but still see themselves as overweight when they look in the mirror. What is wrong with our perceptions?

? ? I do know that now I don’t want to wear oversized tops like I used to. I used to wear huge tops on me that covered up my backside entirely. Now I want to wear more fitted tops and those that rest just below my waist on the jeans. Sadly I haven’t been able to buy many new tops yet. But I will!

? ? I’m also going to continue to get rid of my “big clothes” as soon as I get down a size or two, that way I cannot allow myself to gain weight back because I’ll have nothing to wear - literally!

? ? So I guess I should just stop playing the numbers game and not worry so much over how the scale is up a pound from the day before. I guess in the end it all works out. As long as I can continue to fit into a size 22 jean I must be doing something right.

? ? Now to start exercising more! I would love to be in a size 20 jean in another month or two!

? ? Well here it is three and a half weeks into my weight loss program. I’m thrilled that I actually lost weight at my last weigh in. I was stuck at 257 for so long I never thought it would move. When I weighed in at Weight Watchers I had lost 4.2 pounds! So at my last WW visit I was 15.6 pounds less then I was when I started WW on Jan. 2nd.

? ? I cannot wait until I get below 250. I haven’t been below 250 in about 10 years, since I was pregnant with my daughter who’ll be 9 years old soon. So to be UNDER 250 will be a miracle.

? ? My confidence level has increased dramatically! I am amazed at the difference a few pounds can make as far as my confidence and self esteem is concerned. I am truly amazed! I can talk to people and be more comfortable around them. I can even talk to people about my weight and Weight Watchers which is something I haven’t been able to do ever. It feels like a whole new me is emerging!

? ? I am making other changes too. I went and got my haircut. I colored my hair (I had to get rid of those annoying grays!) and I am getting contacts (I haven’t worn contacts in years). I’m just excited about a whole new me!

? ? I took a huge step by going through my closet and taking out all my size 4X, 3X, 28, 26 size clothes that I haven’t worn in a long time or that I just never worn at all (yes, I had a few things with tags on them). I tossed out the junky stuff and listed the other stuff on Ebay (which profited me about $130!). I am using the money I got from the Ebay auctions to buy new clothes in a smaller size (26 and 24). That way when I finally lose enough to get out of the size 26? or 3X clothes I have smaller clothes to wear. And I’ll turn around and sell those things on Ebay and go and buy even smaller clothes. I figured this was a great way to save money on new clothes too. So far it’s working.

? ? My family and I were out the other day. I went to get my haircut and my husband took our children to the deli next door for lunch. While they were eating (I did sneak two bites of my hubby’s Italian combo) I went next door to The Avenue (plus size clothing store) to try on size 24 jeans? just for the fun of it. I figured they wouldn’t fit but at least I could see how much further I have to go to fit into them. To my surprise I FIT INTO SIZE 24 JEANS!!! And I was able to? button and zipper them up without having to hold my stomach in too. AMAZING!!!! I can’t ever remember wearing size 24 jeans! THIS IS A MIRACLE!!! I can’t begin to tell you how GREAT that did to my self esteem too!!!

? ? I’m getting closer to getting under 250! I was 251.4 this morning (as per our home scale). Another? pound and a half and I’ll be there! I CAN’T wait!!!

? ? This is truly the BEST thing I could have done for myself. If there is anyone out there who thinks they CAN’T do it or don’t have the will power to make these kinds of changes to their lives I am here to tell you that YOU CAN DO IT! If I can do it ANYONE CAN! You just have to want it bad enough!